The federal turkey at
this port is stuffed to bursting. You may think that the old Exchange
Building, which we now occupy, is a secure building, and so it is, but I
don't think it could hold me if another 'connection' is coming. My blue
book divides these family contributions to the service of the country
into three orders, viz.: 'GRANT,' 'DENT,' and 'SHARPE.' Of the order
'GRANT' I have fifteen in the cellar, forty-seven on the first and
second floors, and ten in the attic; of the order 'DENT, 'nineteen on
the two floors, seven in the attic, and seventeen in the cellar, and of
the order 'SHARPE,' so many that I have engaged the Lightning Calculator
of the _World_ to compute them. Your Excellency will perceive that my
situation is something like that of a commander who is troubled with too
many officers, and if I should be attacked you will Grant that it would
take some pretty Sharp practice to make even a Dent in the armor of my
adversary.
"The best I can do is to request you to authorize the creation of a new
office, such as Supervision of Custom House Cobwebs, Keeper of the Water
Tanks, or Statistician of Distilled Spirits consumed by Revenue Officers
during the ensuing fiscal year, and then, on condition that he will
never show his face in my office again, I will appoint your California
offering to the place.
Pages:
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34