'I don't pretend to be a good fellow,' he said to himself; 'but I'm
not a scoundrel- at least, I'll stop short somewhere. I'll bear the
consequences of what I have done sooner than make believe I've done
what I never would have done. I'd never have spent the money for my
own pleasure- I was tortured into it.'
Through the remainder of this day Godfrey, with only occasional
fluctuations, kept his will bent in the direction of a complete avowal
to his father, and he withheld the story of Wildfire's loss till the
next morning, that it might serve him as an introduction to heavier
matter. The old Squire was accustomed to his son's frequent absence
from home, and thought neither Dunstan's nor Wildfire's non-appearance
a matter calling for remark. Godfrey said to himself again and
again, that if he let slip this one opportunity of confession, he
might never have another; the revelation might be made even in a
more odious way than by Dunstan's malignity: she might come, as she
had threatened to do. And then he tried to make the scene easier to
himself by rehearsal: he made up his mind how he would pass from the
admission of his weakness in letting Dunstan have the money to the
fact that Dunstan had a hold on him which he had been unable to
shake off, and how he would work up his father to expect something
very bad before he told him the fact. The old Squire was an implacable
man: he made resolutions in violent anger, but he was not to be
moved from them after his anger had subsided- as fiery volcanic
matters cool and harden into rock.
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