And yet the hope of this paradise had not been enough to save
him from a course which shut him out of it for ever. Instead of
keeping fast hold of the strong silken rope by which Nancy would
have drawn him safe to the green banks, where it was easy to step
firmly, he had let himself be dragged back into mud and slime, in
which it was useless to struggle. He had made ties for himself which
robbed him of all wholesome motive, and were a constant exasperation.
Still, there was one position worse than the present: it was the
position he would be in when the ugly secret was disclosed; and the
desire that continually triumphed over every other was that of warding
off the evil day, when he would have to bear the consequences of his
father's violent resentment for the wound inflicted on his family
pride- would have, perhaps, to turn his back on that hereditary ease
and dignity which, after all, was a sort of reason for living, and
would carry with him the certainty that he was banished for ever
from the sight and esteem of Nancy Lammeter. The longer the
interval, the more chance there was of deliverance from some, at
least, of the hateful consequences to which he had sold himself- the
more opportunities remained for him to snatch the strange
gratification of seeing Nancy, and gathering some faint indications of
her lingering regard. Towards this gratification he was impelled,
fitfully, every now and then, after having passed weeks in which he
had avoided her as the far-off, bright-winged prize, that only made
him spring forward, and find his chain all the more galling.
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