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Reade, Charles, 1814-1884

"A Simpleton"

"
To stop him, Staines requested to feel his pulse, and examine his tongue
and eye.
"You are suffering from indigestion," said he. "I will write you a
prescription; but if you want to get well, you must simplify your diet
very much."
While he was writing the prescription, off went this patient's tongue,
and ran through the topics of the day and into his family history again.
Staines listened politely. He could afford it, having only this one.
At last, the first patient, having delivered an octavo volume of
nothing, rose to go; but it seems that speaking an "infinite deal of
nothing" exhausts the body, though it does not affect the mind; for the
first patient sank down in his chair again. "I have excited myself too
much--feel rather faint."
Staines saw no signs of coming syncope; he rang the bell quietly, and
ordered a decanter of sherry to be brought; the first patient filled
himself a glass; then another; and went off, revived, to chatter
elsewhere. But at the door he said, "I had always a running account with
Dr. Mivar. I suppose you don't object to that system. Double fee the
first visit, single afterwards."
Dr. Staines bowed a little stiffly; he would have preferred the money.


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