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Reade, Charles, 1814-1884

"A Simpleton"

I do not intend to buy at all unless I can
be allowed to bid for myself."
When Rosa, blushing and amazed at her own boldness, uttered these words,
she little foresaw their effect. She had touched a popular sore.
"You are quite right, madam," said a respectable tradesman opposite her.
"What business have these dirty fellows, without a shilling in their
pockets, to go and force themselves on a lady against her will?"
"It has been complained of in the papers again and again," said another.
"What! mayn't we live as well as you?" retorted a broker.
"Yes, but not to force yourself on a lady. Why, she'd give you in charge
of the police if you tried it on outside."
Then there was a downright clamor of discussion and chaff.
Presently up rises very slowly a countryman so colossal, that it seemed
as if he would never have done getting up, and gives his experiences. He
informed the company, in a broad Yorkshire dialect, that he did a bit
in furniture, and at first starting these brokers buzzed about him like
flies, and pestered him. "Aah damned 'em pretty hard," said he, "but
they didn't heed any. So then ah spoke 'em civil, and ah said, 'Well,
lads, I dinna come fra Yorkshire to sit like a dummy and let you buy
wi' my brass; the first that pesters me again ah'll just fell him on
t' plaace, like a caulf, and ah'm not very sure he'll get up again in a
hurry.


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