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Reade, Charles, 1814-1884

"A Simpleton"

Then came Rosa's purchases, which, to her
amazement, amounted to one hundred and ninety pounds, and not a carpet,
curtain, or bed amongst the lot. Then there was the carriage home from
the auction-room, an expense one avoids by buying at a shop, and
the broker claimed his shilling in the pound. This, however, Staines
refused. The man came and blustered. Rosa, who was there, trembled.
Then, for the first time, she saw her husband's brow lower; he seemed
transfigured, and looked terrible. "You scoundrel," said he, "you set
another villain like yourself to bid against you, and you betrayed the
innocent lady that employed you. I could indict you and your confederate
for a conspiracy. I take the goods out of respect for my wife's credit,
but you shall gain nothing by swindling her. Be off, you heartless
miscreant, or I'll"--
"I'll take the law, if you do."
"Take it, then! I'll give you something to howl for;" and he seized him
with a grasp so tremendous that the fellow cried out in dismay, "Oh!
don't hit me, sir; pray don't."
On this abject appeal, Staines tore the door open with his left hand,
and spun the broker out into the passage with his right. Two movements
of this angry Hercules, and the man was literally whirled out of sight
with a rapidity and swiftness almost ludicrous; it was like a trick in
a pantomime.


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