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Bangs, John Kendrick, 1862-1922

"Coffee and Repartee"

I wasn't particularly fond of tag and
hide-and-seek, nor do I think that even as an infant I ever cried for
the moon."
"It would have expanded your chest if you had, Mr. Pedagog," observed
the Idiot, quietly.
"So it would, but I never found myself short-winded, sir," retorted the
School-master, with some acerbity.
"That is evident; but go on," said the Idiot. "You never passed a
childish youth nor a youthful childhood, and therefore what?"
"Therefore, in my present condition, I am normally contented. I have no
youthful follies to look back upon, no indiscretions to regret; I never
knowingly told a lie, and--"
"All of which proves that you never were young," put in the Idiot; "and
you will excuse me if I say it, but my father is the model for me rather
than so exalted a personage as yourself. He is still young, though
turned seventy, and I don't believe on his own account there ever was a
boy who played hookey more, who prevaricated oftener, who purloined
others' fruits with greater frequency than he. He was guilty of every
crime in the calendar of youth; and if there is one thing that delights
him more than another, it is to sit on a winter's night before the
crackling log and tell us yarns about his youthful follies and his
boyhood indiscretions."
"But is he normally a happy man?" queried the School-master.
"No."
"Ah!"
"No. He's an _ab_normally happy man, because he's got his follies and
indiscretions to look back upon and not forward to.


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