I was afraid to
tell the truth--afraid. Now, when Carter of a sudden put this
opportunity before me, I saw all the absurdity of the
arrangements we had made. It didn't take me a moment to make up
my mind. Anything was to be chosen rather than a parting from you
on false pretences, a ridiculous affectation of hope where there
was no hope.'
He paused, and saw that his words had no effect upon her.
'And a grievous share of the fault lies with you, Amy. You
remember very well when I first saw how dark the future was. I
was driven even to say that we ought to change our mode of
living; I asked you if you would be willing to leave this place
and go into cheaper rooms. And you know what your answer was. Not
a sign in you that you would stand by me if the worst came. I
knew then what I had to look forward to, but I durst not believe
it. I kept saying to myself: "She loves me, and as soon as she
really understands--" That was all self-deception. If I had been
a wise man, I should have spoken to you in a way you couldn't
mistake. I should have told you that we were living recklessly,
and that I had determined to alter it.
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