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Gissing, George, 1857-1903

"New Grub Street"

You have much
to endure, I know that, but it's no reason why you should turn
against me. I have never neglected my duty. Is the duty all on my
side? I believe there are very few wives who would be as patient
as I have been.'
Reardon gazed at her for a moment, then turned away. The distance
between them was greater than he had thought, and now he repented
of having given way to an impulse so alien to his true feelings;
anger only estranged her, whereas by speech of a different kind
he might have won the caress for which he hungered.
Amy, seeing that he would say nothing more, left him to himself.
It grew late in the night. The fire had gone out, but Reardon
still sat in the cold room. Thoughts of self-destruction were
again haunting him, as they had done during the black months of
last year. If he had lost Amy's love, and all through the mental
impotence which would make it hard for him even to earn bread,
why should he still live? Affection for his child had no weight
with him; it was Amy's child rather than his, and he had more
fear than pleasure in the prospect of Willie's growing to
manhood.


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