Until the last year or two I have earned nothing, and I
have spent more than was strictly necessary. Well, I didn't live
like that in mere recklessness; I knew I was preparing myself for
remunerative work. But it seems too bad now. I'm sorry for it. I
wish I had found some way of supporting myself. The end of
mother's life was made far more unhappy than it need have been. I
should like you to understand all this.'
The listener kept her eyes on the ground.
'Perhaps the girls have hinted it to you?' Jasper added.
'No.'
'Selfishness--that's one of my faults. It isn't a brutal kind of
selfishness; the thought of it often enough troubles me. If I
were rich, I should be a generous and good man; I know I should.
So would many another poor fellow whose worst features come out
under hardship. This isn't a heroic type; of course not. I am a
civilised man, that's all.'
Marian could say nothing.
'You wonder why I am so impertinent as to talk about myself like
this. I have gone through a good deal of mental pain these last
few weeks, and somehow I can't help showing you something of my
real thoughts.
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