Recent experiments upon pinguid and repudiating commuters, in the old
way of bullying, coaxing, and "soft-sawdering," have proved to be utter
failures. The united forces of a conductor and two brakesmen of the
Morris and Essex R.R. proved, in a late instance of a member of the Fat
Men's Club, quite inadequate to the ejection of that person from the car
of which he occupied a conspicuous fraction. The obese fellow declined
to have his ticket punched, and defied the officers of the road to come
on and punch his head. It is for the expulsion of such blisters upon the
social cuticle that PUNCHINELLO'S invention has been specially devised.
As it is intended solely for the use and benefit of railroad managers,
no further particulars respecting it will be supplied to recalcitrant
commuters unless their applications are accompanied with Four Dollars,
respectively--the regulated price of one year's subscription to
PUNCHINELLO'S witty, plastic, unrivalled, intermittent, hebdomadal
publication. Should no purchase of the patent in question be made by the
directory of the Morris and Essex Railroad, however, PUNCHINELLO will
then meet contingencies by condensing the machine, reducing it so much
in size that a commuter may easily carry one in his waistcoat pocket, to
be ready, when necessary, for extracting an insolent conductor out of
his boots; or, should the occasion arise, for the immediate evulsion
from office of the autocratic President of the concern, himself.
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