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Oppenheim, E. Phillips (Edward Phillips), 1866-1946

"The Profiteers"

You give too nice
parties. Always the right sort of people--except for that bounder over
there," he went on, nodding his head towards Wingate.
"Then sit down and don't make an ass of yourself," his host begged.
"You're spoiling every one's enjoyment, making a disturbance like this."
"Spoiling their enjoyment be hanged!" Dredlinton scoffed. "Tell you what,
I'm going to make the party go. I'm going to have a bit of fun. What
about an auction, eh?---an auction with two bidders only--both
millionaires--one's a pal and the other isn't. Both want the same
thing--happens to be mine. Damn! I never thought it was worth anything,
but here goes. What'll you bid, Phipps?"
Phipps apprised the situation and decided upon his role. He had a very
correct intuition as to what was likely to happen.
"Sit down and don't be an ass, Dredlinton," he laughed. "Don't take the
fellow seriously," he went on, speaking generally. "He's all right as
long as you let him alone. You're all right, aren't you, Dredlinton?"
"Right as rain," was the confident reply. "But let's hear your bid, if
you're going to make one."
"Bid? You've got nothing to sell," Phipps declared good humouredly, with
a covert glance towards Wingate. "What are you getting rid of, eh? Your
household goods?"
"Come on, Phipps," Dredlinton persisted. "You're not going to fade away
like that.


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