Perhaps I had
been thinking of him more; perhaps I had begun to wonder what the secret
could be that made him so often seem unhappy. Anyhow this evening the
desire awoke to be with him in his trouble whatever it was. There was no
curiosity in the feeling, I think, only the desire to serve him as I had
never served him yet. I had been, as long as I could remember, always at
his beck or lightest call; now I wanted to come when needed without being
called. Was it impossible a girl should do anything for a man in his
trouble? He, a great man, had helped a little girl out of the deepest
despair; could the little girl do nothing for the great man? That the big
people should do everything, did not seem fair! He had told me once that
the world was held together by what every one could do that the others
could not do: there must be something I could do that he could not do!
The rain was coming down on the roof like the steady tramp of distant
squadrons. I was in the study, therefore near the tiles, and that was how
the rain always sounded upon them. Tramp, tramp, tramp, came the whole
army of things, riding, riding, to befall my uncle and me. Tramp, tramp,
came the troops of the future, to take the citadel of the present! I was
not afraid of them, neither sought to imagine myself afraid! I had no
picture in my mind of any evil that could assail me.
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