I hardly knew what I was doing. I felt as if I had been struck
sharply on the eyes as I heard her words. I fell on my knees beside
her chair, and put both my arms up and clasped them round the soft
waist, and let them lean hard on the hips, in a spasm of angry
passion.
"What are you thinking of? You know there is nothing I covet like
yourself," I said savagely, the blood flowing over my face as hotly
as it burnt in her own. "But we can't do this. We should both
despise ourselves afterwards. You should be the last person to urge
it on me. What do I ask you? To wait another nine months! That's
all. You should help me."
"Help you?" she said, her eyes blazing upon me with anger, shame and
passion. "Help you in making a fatal mistake? No, I will not! You
can refuse me if you like, but all the responsibility is with you. I
warn you against it. I have come to warn you. When it is too late
you will wish this day back again. You are not tied now after a
whole year's work, and after a misfortune you could not help. If you
always wait in life until you have settled and arranged everything
just to your satisfaction you will find that you lose your desires.
They will slip like sand through your hands while you are arranging
your circumstances. Life is never, never quite as we would have it.
We must take our pleasures one by one as they are offered to us; it
is hopeless to think we can gain them all together.
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