To all our importunities we could get only this answer from her: that
we had no business to stick to and follow her, that she did not want us,
and that she had no right to disturb the Mahatmas with all sorts of
questions that concerned only the questioners, for they knew their own
business best. In despair, I determined, come what might, to cross the
frontier, which is about a dozen miles from here, and find the Mahatmas
or--DIE. I never stopped to think that what I was going to undertake
would be regarded as the rash act of a lunatic. I had no permission, no
"pass" from the Sikkhim Rajah, and was yet decided to penetrate into the
heart of a semi-independent State where, if anything happened, the
Anglo-Indian officials would not--if even they could--protect me, since
I should have crossed over without their permission. But I never even
gave that a thought, but was bent upon one engrossing idea--to find and
see my Guru. Without breathing a word of my intentions to any one, one
morning, namely, October 5, I set out in search of the Mahatma.
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