It will be a great help to the household
and I am sure impress my wife with the depth and range of my
education, which I will be able to tell her, thank God, was innocently
acquired.
_May 28th._ I am slowly forming back into my pristine shape but only
after having been freed from bondage for some hours. After several
more sodas, concoctions which up till recently I have despised as
injurious, I guess I will have filled out to my usual dimensions
around the waist line, but when I consider the long days of womanhood
stretched out before me in the future I will admit it is with a
sinking not only of the waist, but also of the heart.
More indignities have been heaped upon me. Why did I ever take up the
profession of a show girl? To-day I fell into the clutches of the
barbers. They were not gentle clutches, brutal rather; and such an
outspoken lot they were at that.
"What's that?" asked one of them as I stood rather nervously before
him with bared chest.
"Why, that," I replied, a trifle disconcerted, "that's my chest."
He looked at me for a moment, then smiled a slow, pitying smile. "Hey,
Tony," he suddenly called to his colleague, "come over here a moment
and see what this bird claims to be a chest.
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