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Smith Jr., J. Thorne

"Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit"

"
"What's that?" asks the voice.
"Not to commit a nuisance with any one except in a military manner," I
replied, becoming slightly involved.
"That's not such a wonderful rule," came back the voice in complaining
tones. "I could make up a rule better than that."
"Don't try to to-night," I pleaded.
There was silence for a moment, then the voice continued seriously,
"Say, I'm not Kaiser William really. Honest I'm not."
"Well, who are you?" I asked impatiently.
"Why, I'm Tucks," the voice replied. "Folks call me that because I
take so many of them in my trousers."
"Well, Tucks," I replied, "you'd better be moving on. I don't know
what might happen with this gun. I'm tempted to shoot the cartridge
out of it just to make it lighter."
"Oh, you can't shoot me," cried Tucks, "I'm crazy. I bet you didn't
know that, did you?"
"I wasn't sure," I answered.
"Oh, I'm awfully crazy," continued Tucks, "everybody says so, and I
look it, too, in the daylight."
"You must," I replied.
"Well, good night," said Tucks in the same subdued voice. "If you find
a flock of pink Liberty Bonds around here, remember I lost them." He
departed in the direction of City Island.


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