It was a
horrible cruel thing for him to say to me! I know now that I have been
in love with John Moore for longer than my honor lets me admit and that
I'll never love anybody else, and that also I have offered myself to him
served up in every known enticement and have had to be refused at least
twice a day for a year. A widow can't say she didn't understand what she
was doing, even to herself, but--My humiliation is complete and the
only thing that can make me ever hold up my head is to puzzle him by--by
_happily_ marrying Alfred Bennett--and quick!
Of course, he must suspect how I feel about him, for two people couldn't
both be so ignorant as not to see such an enormous thing as my love for
him is, and I was the blind one. But he must never, never know that I
ever realized it, for he is so good that it would distress him. I must
just go on in my foolish way with him until I can get away. I'll tell
him I'm sorry I was so indignant to-night and say that I think it will
be fine for him to take my Billy away from me with him. I must smile at
the idea of having my very soul amputated, insist that it is the only
thing to do, and pack up the little soul in a steamer trunk with the
smile.
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