My
brother-in-law says that she supposed herself to be in perfect health
at the time when she was most marked in her Christian life."
"Ah! but you don't understand; I mean more than that. It is difficult to
tell what I mean; I mean--but you know, of course, _God_ knew that
she was soon to go to heaven. I thought, perhaps, he gave her a special
experience on that account."
"No; oh, no," he said, speaking with great earnestness. "Ester was
particularly anxious that no one should suppose her experience
exceptional. Little fellow though I was, it seemed to be her desire that
I should fully understand this. Don't let anybody make you think that
because you are a little boy you must be a sort of half-way Christian,'
she used to say, and her eyes would glow with feeling. 'I tried that way
for years,' she said, 'and I want you to understand that it is not only
sinful, but there is not a particle of happiness to be gotten out of
it--not a particle; and I would give almost nothing for what such a
Christian can accomplish. The harm one does, more than overbalances all
effort for Christ.' I think, perhaps, she felt more deeply on that than
on almost any subject; and it was because she thought she had wasted so
many years.
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