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Tarkington, Booth, 1869-1946

"Penrod"

There's a man that
always bites fox-terriers' tails off."
"Oh, my gosh, what a lie!" exclaimed Sam Williams ignorantly.
"Go on with the show whether he likes it or not, Penrod. He's paid his
money."
Verman, confident in his own singular powers, chuckled openly at the
failure of the other attractions to charm the frosty visitor, and,
when his turn came, poured forth a torrent of conversation which was
straightway damned.
"Rotten," said Mr. Bitts languidly. "Anybody could talk like that. _I_
could do it if I wanted to."
Verman paused suddenly.
"YES, you could!" exclaimed Penrod, stung. "Let's hear you do it, then."
"Yessir!" the other partner shouted. "Let's just hear you DO it!"
"I said I could if I wanted to," responded Roderick. "I didn't say I
WOULD."
"Yay! Knows he can't!" sneered Sam.
"I can, too, if I try."
"Well, let's hear you try!"
So challenged, the visitor did try, but, in the absence of an impartial
jury, his effort was considered so pronounced a failure that he was
howled down, derided, and mocked with great clamours.
"Anyway," said Roderick, when things had quieted down, "if I couldn't
get up a better show than this I'd sell out and leave town."
Not having enough presence of mind to inquire what he would sell out,
his adversaries replied with mere formless yells of scorn.
"I could get up a better show than this with my left hand," Roderick
asserted.
"Well, what would you have in your ole show?" asked Penrod,
condescending to language.


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